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Normally I don’t like techno, I find it rather irritating to be honest, but oddly enough I like this album. It has just enough influence from the original album to keep me interested, yet it is rather listenable as a complete package. I would recommend this for parties similar to the one’s I end up at, where half the crowd want’s brutal deathcore and the other is begging for synth and bass.

Overall: 7/10, won’t appeal to everyone, but it is a nice change of pace for deathcore fans.

Just admit it, as Flouncy as he looks, he could still kick your ass.

Story:

Assassins Creed 2 picks up right were the first game left off with unfortunate protagonist Desmond Miles remaining trapped in the hands of the Templars, rival group to the Assassins. However Desmond soon finds himself plucked from the sterile, pristine lab he has been shelled up in and is taken to an Assassin hideout (A very nice studio apartment). Well one thing leads to another and Desmond must step into the shoes of his Italian ancestor Ezio Auditore di Firenze (di Firenze meaning ‘of Florence’) to learn the ways of the Assassin for an upcoming showdown with the Templars. Ezio’s story is one of retribution and a fierce vendetta against a group of Templar related conspirators that killed his father and two brothers. Predominantly, the game takes place against Ezio’s lush Italian backdrop, however there are a few sequences involving Desmond, and even one involving Altair (the protagonist from the first game) to keep things fresh.

Ezio’s story can become very convoluted but overall I feel that the game illustrates a mastery in storytelling in that the story really does compel you forwards. And with over 200 missions (at least half being optional) there is certainly no lack of anything to do.

Hold up...that's not a bail of hay is it...

Gameplay:

Gameplay in Assassins Creed 2 has been given a full polish and is otherwise quite similar to its predecessor. Players take on a wider variety of missions this time around which combats the problem with repetition experienced in the last title.  Assassinations, rooftop races, courier missions and beating the snot out of cheating husbands are the most prevalent but there is also so many areas to explore that one can easily loose 2 or 3 hours in Ezio’s world without achieving anything substantial. The weapon system has also received an overhall, Ezio now has access to two hidden blades (in the Russian version I’m pretty sure he has 3, but this was censored everywhere else) and he can now use a range of melee weapons including swords, lances, daggers, hammers and axes, which gives the combat system excellent variety (even though it is largely the same as the first game). Players also have their own Villa which can be upgraded, which I strongly recommend because the better it is the more sweet, sweet profit Ezio makes and after a while you will be so rich you won’t be able to spend all of your money if you try.

In a nutshell the game is very similar in terms of gameplay to the first Assassins Creed, but most of the bugs have been ironed out and it is a much deeper, varied and overall fun experience. There is a sharp learning curve however and the sheer depth of the gameplay can be very daunting to newcomers so it probably isn’t a game you want to bust out for your Mum to play on an odd whim.

Ezio penetrates an old man with his long blade.

Presentation:

The only thing I don’t understand about this game is why so many people are bitching on forums and image boards about the visuals in this game. “This game am  lookan to similar to the first game hurr durr” or ” I am a total jackass who can’t appreciate production value or anything in a game unless is Fallout 3 brown and an FPS title” seem to be among the most common complaints (I may or may not be paraphrasing). The game is stunning. Granted the visuals aren’t on par with Uncharted 2 (sure to win most jizz inducing visuals of the year), but the sense of scale, and detail in the historical architecture is unrivalled. The cities are massive (even the smaller ones) and the crowd dynamics are amazing in that each individual random person in the game has a unique path to follow and the AI director is astounding (you could probably stalk someone if you wanted to). The sound is great and the voice acting is up there with the best. The soundtrack is great and sets the tone perfectly.

My only problem with the presentation is that up close, things get a lot less pretty, particularly faces and this could be what put so many people off of the game’s visuals. But I am a fan of games, not graphics, and this is certainly a title to get behind.

I would highly recommend Assassins Creed 2. Sure the story can get a bit confusing and the visuals aren’t always top-notch, but the gameplay is first-rate. Stay away if you hated the first game, but otherwise I’m not too sure why you are reading this and not sinking your hidden blade deep into Templar neck. And no, that wasn’t some sort of convoluted sexual innuendo.

Overall:  9.5 out of 10: Brilliant, worthy of Game of the Year.

Get on the bandwagon.

Great.

Now that that’s over with, here are some sites you should take a gander at:

EmsCharityKiss

A few months ago, a very close friend came out and said she’d never been kissed. To the entire world. In the name of depression, she set out to get her first kiss from someone special – international superstar Robert Pattinson. And so began her monumental campaign, raising money for the Australian depression charity OneinFive. After reaching an amazing $1,141 for the cause, I think it’s fair to say she’s definitely getting there. Donate now, I say!

Fandamnation

Fandom is an odd thing. Fandamnation offers an insightful look into this cultural fringe, giving a personal look at these strange, sometimes frightening communities. With game reviews and various musings, there’s enough here for even the most infuriating Choosey McChoosealot.

It’s not that New Moon is intrinsically a bad film. The direction surprised me, actually – the camera work was interesting and varied without seeming all-over-the-place, and the film was presented reasonably well. That said, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that the audience was being slowly dragged through an extremely transparent plot – the film is predictable to say the least, and it more than takes its time unleashing the “twists” littered throughout.

This man is the reason no teenage girl will ever like you.

Anyone who has avoided all forms of social interaction with any pubescent girl over the past few years is probably wondering what all this Twilight/New Moon nonsense is about. Essentially, a vegetarian vampire with no personality falls in love with a helpless teenager with even less personality.

The actors in the film portray their cardboard roles to the tee, and I wasn’t really sure whether this was a good or bad thing. They certainly had very little to work with, and even though both characters have an emotional range of somewhere between 0 and -1, I couldn’t help but get the sense that the poor guys were really trying to bring the best out of it. Talk to anyone and they’ll tell you Kristen Stewart (who plays helpless teenager, Bella) has the depth of a paperclip, but for some reason I found her fascinating. In my eyes, she was a good choice for the role – but whether she could possibly portray any sense of happiness is beyond me. Robert Pattinson, on the other hand, depicts the drifty, mind-in-another-place persona attached to the character of vampire Edward quite well. Honestly, I haven’t quite caught the appeal of falling in love with a guy that has the motive and means to kill you at any second, but then again I’m not a 14 year old girl.

You will see a lot of man-nipples in this film.

So, what to say about the soundtrack? The orchestral compositions were reasonable to say the least, but I think the biggest eye-catcher here is the $19.99 soundtrack itself. Like the first film’s CD, it appears that many of the songs present hold little affiliation with the film, but will no doubt spur an entire horde of young girls to claim obsession with the bands within, resulting in concerts and festivals overrun with the screaming, vicious crowds of young girls.

You're about to get CULLEN'D!

In the end, it’s hard to put my finger on exactly what makes New Moon a bad film. The story is bland, but not terrible; the acting is blander, but still understandable; the soundtrack is alright and the direction is just fine. Whether it’s the overwhelming fan service or frightening fan-base, something seems awfully off. What New Moon and indeed the Twilight series as a whole appears to stand for, is a subpar franchise that gained staggering support by a legion of girls who found its escapist world comforting.

I don’t like to put a rating to my reviews for a few reasons – I think it devalues the thought processes put into writing the actual review, and I figure if I put a score on then everyone’s going to skip over just to see what I gave it. Nonetheless, purely out of convenience, I give New Moon a 2 out of 5. It certainly wasn’t as terrible as I expected, but it is still most definitely a mediocre film that doesn’t do anything horribly wrong, but fails to do anything particularly right either.

Wagon Whale Somewhat-Weekly Podcast

So I figure since this is indeed the GOTY edition that features all DLC packs I’ll go ahead and review the main game first and then the add on’s.

Fallout 3:

story:

Fallout 3 puts players in the shoes of  ‘The Lone Wanderer” or sometimes “Mr. Vault 101″ over the radio. Your character is fully customisable and this includes specific traits, strengths and weaknesses (one should remember that Fallout 3 is an RPG at heart). After a short-lived childhood and a series of misdemeanours within your nuclear shelter, Vault 101, you are cast into the vast open world of the Capital Wasteland, a harsh, post nuclear war landscape teaming with brutally warped creatures to kill and citizens to meet and converse with (or kill if you’re anything like me). Fallout 3 is brimming with more side quests and exploration than you can poke a stick at and it will easily take you over 100 hours to see and do everything in the main game, and even after that there is still reason to keep playing. The main quest of the game see’s your character trying to track down his or her father who also vanished from Vault 101 shortly before you did. Throughout your journey you will encounter gigantic Super Mutants, crazed mercenaries, Raiders, giant wildlife and even an enormous patriotic American built robot. All in all, the story is compelling enough by itself, but with the numerous side quests and overbearing sense of purpose even when you aren’t doing anything in particular, Fallout 3 is a game with palpable atmosphere and belonging.

Gameplay:

As mentioned earlier, Fallout 3 allows players to instantly switch from a 3rd person to 1st person perspective. In my experience, 3rd person fares better when exploring the wastes, and 1st person for combat and exploration in confined spaces. On top of this, something that is unique to Fallout 3 is the VATS combat system. This allows players to enter a freeze-frame of sorts in order to target specific body parts of an enemy. After a selection is made the game often switches to slow-motion so you can observed your selected actions play out. It sounds like it would become arduous, however, I can assure you that no matter how many times you watch your bullet speed through the air and splatter a particularly nasty Super Mutant all over the wall it never gets old. So, in this sense, one could not be blamed for assuming that Fallout 3 is a shooter, and on the surface it is. However there is a strong RPG element to the game that gives players total control of everything from how their player fares with certain weapon types, to even their resistance to the effects of alcohol. There is also a lot of dialogue in Fallout 3, you can converse with almost any human NPC  you come across which is quite involving even if they have nothing particularly interesting to say. If you choose, you can make your character have a higher charisma and speech skills allowing them to influence people into doing things they wouldn’t normally. This depth of character customisation coupled with an action mechanic that is actually quite deep makes for a truly memorable experience that could be recommended to anyone apart from Tetris playing 14 year old girls.

Presentation:

Fallout 3 is starting to show it’s age. In its time (only last year I might add) Fallout 3 was a bastion of impressive graphics and sound, however now with technological advances making way for mind-blowing graphical improvements one only has to look at Uncharted 2 or the upcoming Assassins Creed 2 to realise that times are changing. With a colour palate ranging from slime green to brown and even stretching the limits to dark grey, Fallout 3 was never a ‘pretty’ game, however it’s graphics and representation of a post apocalyptic dystopia were revered for their distinctive style, and this still holds true today. It might not be the best looking game on the market, but it is distinct. Sound isn’t a big factor, however the rolling winds of the wasteland and the far off growl of a Deathclaw still have the ability to send chills down one’s spine, and Three Dog’s  (the featured radio announcer) weathered voice, whilst growing somewhat tiresome, still offers a familiarity and adds to the atmosphere.

One BIG problem with the game however is it’s glitches. All too often one will see car tyres floating in the sky or big see-through sections of a mountainside should you venture too close. However the biggest problem with Fallout 3 is its tendency to freeze up and crash without warning. Sure the game chugs a bit when too many things are happening on screen at once, but for it to physically crash is almost inexcusable in this day and age. You might think that this is a rare or infrequent occurence like the 360′s infamous Red ring of death, but without fail, every 2nd or 3rd time the game will crash without warning. For a game that can end up being a bit of a grind fest at times, this can certainly become frustrating quickly.

Operation Anchorage:

The Operation Anchorage add-on see’s players embarking on a quest to aid a merc company that has sent out a distress call. Upon finding them you are taken into a simulation that when completed unlocks a weapons storage bunker. apparently, you are the only one who can complete the simulation because of your PipBoy 3000, the computer mounted to your wrist that serves as the games menu screen. The simulation itself takes you back to the beginning of the war that ended in nuclear disaster in Alaska. You are tasked with the liberation of Anchorage from Chinese Communist forces, ending in a somewhat rushed boss battle that was barely alluded to at all during the simulation, so comes as a surprise. The game takes 3-4 hours to complete with little exploration, and is therefore fairly linear and action oriented. The game features a stark blue and white colour scheme, which is admittedly a welcome change to the brown and grey of the Capital Wasteland.

After it is completed players are rewarded with whatever they desire from the weapons bunker, the standouts being the Gauss Rifle, a highly powerful energy weapon which soon becomes a favorite due to its power and distance, and a new set of Power Armour that is also very durable.

The Pitt:

In ‘The Pitt’, players are taken to a destroyed Pittsburg to a colony of diseased slaves and their merciless overlords. You are tasked with finding a cure for the Slave’s illness which turns them into strange creatures somewhere between a Ghoul and Super Mutant. The area is somewhat open however there is little reason for exploration and you will find yourself sticking to the path the main story sets out for you. The story is pretty weak, and somewhat convoluted, and there is actually very little incentive to complete the quest apart from access to an ammo press and a new weapon called an Auto-Axe which is similar to a chainsaw but more cumbersome and awkward. The visuals are fairly dark with a lot of reds and browns featuring, nothing too different from the main game.

The Auto-Axe: I'm as confused as you are.

All in all it is a fun experience, however there is not much incentive in doing anything apart from the possibility of a level up or two and maybe a few new items to test out.

Broken Steel:

Broken Steel essentially continues the main story of Fallout 3 after where it ends in the main game, however I wont delve into it as I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone. It adds a few new weapons and is otherwise no different from the main game. However, the biggest draw is the fact that it raises the Level Cap from 20-30, giving hardcore players a new reason to keep playing the game. Along with this comes a series of new perks, some of which are pretty stupid (Tolerance to the negative effects of alcohol), however some are absolutely awesome (One that raises all of your stats to 9 out of 10, trust me, its fucking good).

definitely the best pack in terms of how much it actually adds to the overall game experience, and if you dont have any of the DLC then this is the one I recommend the most.

Point Lookout:

Point Lookout essentially adds a whole new area to the game that is accessed by boat. It features a strange swampland inhabited by hundreds of inbred hillbilly types that look like something out of ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ . The main quest of Point Lookout involves a war between local ‘Tribals’, who follow orders from a disembodied brain and a rather rude Ghoul who inhabits a mansion atop one of Point Lookout’s many cliff faces. It is fairly interesting and probably the best story out of all of the Add on packs. The swampy, grotto filled area is actually very interesting to explore, even if the locales don’t differ a lot, and there are a few side quests to embark upon whilst you are there. One big issue with point lookout is that it freezes a lot more than anything else, including the main game, which is a bit of an issue. I found myself leaving halfway through the quest because it was getting so irritating to dry off for a bit back in the Capital Wasteland before heading back.

Straight out of a bad horror movie

As far as incentive goes, Point Lookout doesn’t offer much apart from a lot of random treasure, including a hefty amount of caps (Fallout 3′s currency) If you can be bothered working for them.

Mothership Zeta:

Hardcore players will remember finding a downed alien spaceship in the wasteland complete with an exceedingly powerful weapon with limited ammo called the Alien Blaster. Well, in Mothership Zeta, the alien mystery is solved as players are taken aboard a HUGE alien craft orbiting just above the Capital Wasteland. The story is fairly linear as players attempt to escape as well as find out the aliens overall intentions and is more action oriented like Operation Anchorage. It is fairly bland and the only real incentive is some cool new weaponry and ammo for your beloved alien blaster.

Overall, The Game of the Year edition of Fallout 3 is worth the ticket price as long as you don’t already have the game. It’s cheaper than the original release and features all of the DLC packs for a much lower price than they are on Xbox Live or the PSN. Highly recommended in any version, however for those that don’t have it, this is the one to go for.

Story: 10/10, well done, atmospheric and believable.

Gameplay: 10/10, brilliant

Presentation: 7/10, ageing with a few bad bugs.

OVERALL: 9/10

I booted up Killing Floor with low expectations. Despite being a standalone affair, the game has its roots planted deep within the foundations of Unreal Tournament 2004, as a (somehow) not-so-popular mod. I say somehow because after playing through the game’s nine maps with a few of my mates a half-dozen or so times, I am amazed at how fun Killing Floor actually is.

Presentation in Killing Floor is something of a hit and miss affair. Graphically, the game lags a while behind the ever-raising bar of technological prowess that the PC gaming arena is used to. That said, the art direction is fantastic, with gritty, derelict environments and beautifully horrific creatures. While even less story-driven than Left 4 Dead, Killing Floor manages to be consistently fun – not because of the greater number of enemies, weapons, or environments, but because it’s a blast to play with friends.

The open world-style levels allow players to barricade themselves into any number of hidden nooks and crannies (thanks in part to the brilliant welding system, allowing players to direct specimens to use certain entrances, resulting in an easier time for teammates). However, even the reasonably large levels couldn’t quite stave off the feeling of déjà vu I experienced while playing Killing Floor. Despite a greater number of “special” Specimens in comparison to Left 4 Dead, its difficult to shake off the feeling that the basic enemies are, in the end, the same. You’ll find yourself cornered by the same group of enemies every wave, and even though the difficulty definitely ramps up, when you see 5 Bloats (Killing Floor’s response to the ‘Boomer’ in Left 4 Dead) surrounding you for the fifth time, it’s hard not to tire, just a little.

All things considered, Killing Floor is a fun title. Despite being somewhat repetitive, the strong modding community promises endless variety in what would otherwise be a tiresome game. Killing Floor’s attractively low price tag, paired with the simple fact that it’s a blast to play with friends, won me over. It’s certainly not for everyone, and if you plan on playing on your own, look elsewhere. That said, I would recommend it to any of my friends in a heartbeat, and hope to see some friendly faces online for some good ol’ fashioned zombie ass-kicking sometime soon.

8/10: Worth a solid consideration

Killing Floor is available for PC in North American retailers and on Steam for $19.99USD. Played all stock maps in solo or co-operative mode for a total of 7 hours.

Pew Pew. A hit and miss title.

Gameplay:

I’m not going to explain to you how the game is actually played because if you don’t know by now chances are you have no interest in reading this review. However there have been several key changes to gameplay mechanics that are worthy of a mention. When you boot up the game, a song will automatically begin playing in the background of the start menu, and players have the option of being able to jump straight into the song without any fuss. This creates an easy-going, casual vibe to the game and is perfect for parties where song choice is not a key factor.  Up to 4 people can play any instrument at the same time, meaning one could use 4 guitars or 4 drum kits if they desired (but now I’m wondering if anyone actually has 4 drum kits to play with).

Now I get to the biggest gripe I have with the game, and it is one that ultimately affects the whole experience for me. The setlist is lacking. Sure it boasts a hefty 80-something tracks, but the majority of these are either songs I have no interest in playing in a Guitar Hero title, or songs I have never actually heard of, by bands I can’t be certain even exist. The songs cover a broad genre, however most fall under the all too popular ‘indie rock’ genre, often meaning easy guitar riffs and repetitive drum lines. This brings me to another issue with the gameplay, the diversity of the difficulty of the songs. Normally, I play on expert, occasionally stepping down to hard when things become a little bit to ‘Herman Li’ for my liking, however, few songs on the setlist offered this sort of challenge, with many being so easy the game became almost entirely dull. However this is more of a personal gripe, as this won’t matter to GH’s casual demographic.

Presentation:

Guitar Hero 5 looks good. Going for a more cartoony vibe than most titles, it tends to stray from strict realism when it comes to character design. The create-a-rocker function (or whatever it is called) gives players a LOT of control, but I found that the only characters that were churned out were either too plain or too over the top. The biggest problem with the presentation is that everything appears to have been scaled down somewhat. Single player, you’re fine, but as soon as a friend jumps in, things get a little hazy. The once simple, and easy to read layout has been shifted to a near undetectable position next to the on-screen fret board and becomes nearly impossible to read when more than one player is present. On many occasions either me or my game buddy would make utterances of  “I can’t effing see the goddamn colours” or “Everything is way too small!!!”

The game sounds great, as you would expect from a music game, however often it is hard to hear the vocal track playing in the background.

wait.......where?

Overall:

GH5 feels rushed, if anything. With few new gameplay mechanics, and an ultimatly boring setlist, there is nothing new that I can see that wouldn’t function perfectly well as DLC. Yeah, the game plays well, and looks great, but when it comes down to it, people don’t buy music games for award-winning gameplay, there are mostly in it for the setlist, and in this GH5 is sorely lacking.

6/10: A solid rent

In it, we will share with you experiences from a range of people with the mighty Wagon Whales. If you would like to share with us your story, feel free to comment or get in contact with us. We will be more than willing to help you share your story.

In this edition of Tales of the Wagon Whales, a young Japanese schoolgirl accounts her experience with the majestic Wagon Whale:

Dear everyone,

We go to japan

See whales



But no ordinary whales for seeing!

These whales were special

Wagon whales

We excitedly on boat

We saw the water move

Everyone shout

“Wagon Whale!”

Wagon so beauty,

Whale so beauty,

As well.

Whales are beautiful,

They are great!

They know us,

They are harmless.

Voluptuous and full stomach

Of plankton

Teacher say whales like plankton

I don’t

But like whales!

Dear Wagon Whales,

Thank you for seeing time,

We enjoy,

Spraying with water.

Thank you.

Wagon whales.

We love you.

Thanks for read this,

Love love,

Random Japanese Tourist

